In Christian circles sexual purity is the most exalted of all virtues and with great reason too. Paul says, "flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a person commits are outside the body, but whoever sins sexually, sins against their own body." However, on the backdrop of preserving sexual purity among believers, virginity has been exalted into something it is not and was never meant to be.
Virginity has become the truest test of purity, it has become the value attached to a Christian woman's suitability for marriage and, inevitably losing your virginity outside marriage has been made into the unforgivable sin. Do not get me wrong, I am all for sexual purity, in fact, I am hanging on to my own virtue like a prized possession, BUT, the following are not and never will be true about virginity.
1. YOUR VIRGINITY IS FOR YOUR SPOUSE.
I will love him, of course I will, but really, I choose to stay pure, not for him, I do not owe him this, I do it for Jesus. I do it because this body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in me, whom I have received from God. I am not my own, I was bought at a price. Therefore I honor God with my body (2 Cor 6:19-20). It is because He called me to be holy as He is (1 Peter 1: 14-16).
So what I am saying is this, your purity is the Lord's, not his, not hers.
2. VIRGINITY IS THE THRESHOLD FOR MORALITY, THE YARDSTICK FOR PURITY.
They say that while the world is suffering from fornication and adultery, the church is plagued with porn and masturbation. The only solution for both is the Word of God coupled with true and honest pursuit of the things of God other than self gratification. Jesus is not as interested in your actions in and of themselves, He is more interested in the state of your heart, and thus the actions that flow from it.
He has made it clear that the threshold is not as low as simple physical virginity, it is lustful thoughts (Matt 5:28). It is objectifying the image of God, it is treating the body as anything less. It is turning the mind into a gutter. The question is not how far is too far, for all we know eye contact is too far for you. The question is where does your treasure lie (Matt 6:21)?
3. YOU LOSE IT, YOU ARE DONE FOR.
This pisses me off. It really does. Where did we get the idea that the redemptive power of Jesus has a reservation on premarital sex? That not even the blood of Jesus can wash this off. Do we know Rahab, mentioned among the heroes of faith in Hebrews 11? Before she helped Caleb and the Hebrew spies, before she was named in the genealogy of Jesus, what did she do for a living?
Do we know the woman who anointed the feet of Jesus? Do we know the story about the woman at the well, or the woman who was brought to Jesus for stoning? And before the brothers cry foul, do we know about David, about Samson, about Judah and Reuben?
In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God’s grace (Eph 1:7). It is because of him that you are in Christ Jesus, who has become for us wisdom from God—that is, our righteousness, holiness and redemption (1 Cor 1:30).
So before you think all is lost, remember it's not about you. It is about Jesus who forgives, who forgets our sins and never remembers, who continues to sanctify us by His Word, and by His Spirit.
Before you write anyone off, remember that if Christ has forgiven them, who are you to feel otherwise.
4. VIRGINITY GUARANTEES YOU A HAPPILY EVER AFTER.
Is this or is this not trying to bribe God? I will fight the good fight and in exchange, I will get a good marriage. Sorry to disappoint, if this is the only thing you are bringing to the table, you have greatly overvalued your one chip, you have done what is called putting all your eggs in one basket. It is a fact that a marriage between two people who sow in sexual purity will most likely reap in fruit which is security, trust and faithfulness.
But my dear Christians, sow other seeds as well. Develop your character beyond your sexuality, little things like kindness (Matt 7:12) and patience, also the big things like spiritual maturity and selflessness will go a long way.
Open your eyes, marriage won't be perfect just because you stayed pure. Prepare for reality and be determined to stick it through to the end with the love and grace of Jesus. This is not to scare you into celibacy. Heather and Cornelius Lindsay did not kiss until their wedding day, but Heather says they still faced a lot of challenges in the first year of marriage. Purity during dating did not insure them from the the real and potent struggles of their other human flaws. They still suffered from miscommunication, and selfishness and unrealistic expectations of each other. But by the grace of God, they stayed together and worked through it.
5. VIRGINITY IS NOT FOR MEN , IT IS NOT FOR SOPHISTICATED WOMEN.
Culture has made masculinity synonymous with sexual prowess. To this I say, Jesus was a 33 year old virgin guys, it should not bother you. He died having never had sex, and I assure you, it is not the lack thereof that killed Him.
I do not care much for sophistication that comes at the expense of the Gospel. I have made it clear that I am a feminist but I refuse to join those feminists who advocate for sexual liberation of women as if sexuality is something to be enjoyed anywhere else other than in the confines of marriage. I am glad that I have been taught to keep my legs together Chimamanda (whom I respect by the way) and I just wish that my brothers were taught the same.
In conclusion, this is not a call to virginity or to promiscuity, this is a call to sexual purity for the right reasons. I am saying that you are not less worthy because you are not a virgin. I am saying, start today, pursue purity, real purity beyond your body, to your mind and heart. Jesus loves you.