"I understood and surrendered to what God had said about obedience, even patience, but I missed what he said about my happiness. In my mind, real joy always laid somewhere on the far side of matrimony. I just had to be willing to wait.
But no one in Christ ever has to wait for joy. We may have to wait for a husband or a wife, or for a job, or for physical healing or relief, or for reconciliation with family members or friends. We may have to wait for all those things and a thousand more — with no guarantee that any of those things will ever come to us in this life. But the sinless Son of God bled and died to ensure that you and I never have to wait for happiness." (Marshall Seagal, The most satisfying single years)
Marriage and any committed relationship heading there requires a lot of time, effort and sacrifice. Romantic relationships take up a lot of space because we are required to build enough trust in two years or less for a commitment that may last fifty years or more. Then there's the delicate matter of figuring out how to be dependent and independent at the same time. Mathematically alone, it sounds terribly consuming and maybe a little nuts.
Being single may mean that the time, mental strength and emotions that you would have been investing in these things goes largely unspent or misspent. Misspent in daydreaming about the perfect partner and feeling miserable later when you wake up to no cute texts or plotless weekends. Misspent in pursuing dead end flirtationships, situationships or struggling to climb out of one friendzone or five. You know you're better than this, right? So these 11 things are for you.
1. "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.' Mat 22:37.
If people put in half the strength, heart and overthinking they put into men or women in pursuit of Heavenly things, we would never mention the word lukewarm in church again. Your relationship with God is the most important one you have. It is one that is completely unconditional, completely accepting, completely transforming, redemptive, eternal and sacrificial.
Not having a person who "totally gets you" and is "all about you" makes you realize that you have something better, Jesus. Fix your eyes on Him. You have the chance to give Him your undivided devotion. Figure Him out. With God, the deeper you go, the better it gets.
You have a beautiful relationship that you disdain and overlook because you listened to too much RnB and not enough Psalms.
2.Read the Bible.
We've talked about this. Like newborn babes, long for the pure milk of the word, that by it you may grow in respect to salvation. 1 Peter 2:2. Spend your time in the word. You should be delighted that your weekends are free. It is time to take the Bible, a pen and paper and dig in. Decide to spend your time in the word and not in the world.
3. Serve others.
Whoever wants to be a leader among you must be your servant, and whoever wants to be first among you must be the slave of everyone else. For even the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve others and to give his life as a ransom for many. Mark 10;43-45.
Love, the Christian mandate. Love others with your actions. Set aside time and serve others. An idle mind is the devil's work shop.
Do not stay alone in your room wasting time and bundles stalking your ex or your crush. Get up, the world need its Superhero and He chose to work through you.
Volunteer in charitable organizations, serve in church ministry or even babysit for your aunt. Seek to pour into others.
4. Build strong non romantic relationships.
This means staying in touch with your parents for more than just pocket money and being ready to invest in that messy relationship with your headstrong ungrateful sibling. It means being there for people you call friends, and it means loving them unconditionally even when they are difficult.
5. Mentor young Christians.
You know how hard it is to approach someone and ask them to be your mentor, well there are fifteen and sixteen year olds who would like to be mentored and feel that way, reach out to them. Lead a Bible study in a local schools Christian Union. Take your cousin or sibling out for lunch and just talk to them about God. You will learn so much too.
6. Go on missions.
I say this over and over again, as a Christian your primary role is to get the word out there. You cannot sit idly by as other people perish. As a single person there is no excuse, take some time off and live out Matt 28:19-20.
Go to far places or stay within your locality, but whatever you do, let the world know of our beautiful Savior.
7. Let go and let go, your sexuality.
The toughest part as you get older and are still single, is probably purity. You need to surrender this part of your life to God and just decide that you will obey Him no matter how tough it gets. Rely on the Holy Spirit, search scripture and lean on accountability partners.
You cannot say that you will suddenly learn to control your sexual desire when you get married. Staying faithful to the same person all your life may not be any easier than not acting on sexual attraction as a single person. The concept is the same, I want to, but I won't because of my commitment to God and to he other person.
8. Develop qualities that you would like in a partner.
Christ teaches us that blessed is the hand that gives than the hand that receives. Be open to the Holy Spirit making you kind, patient, forgiving, selfless and more and more like Christ.
9. Focus on your God given skills, talents and abilities and use them for His glory.
You don't want to be sixty years old and regret never writing that book, never starting that business or going on tour with your little choir.
Get better at what you do, be the best at it if you can, and use it to serve the Lord. Be passionate, work on something with vision and purpose.
10. Be adventurous.
Travel if you can, plan a trip with your friends and live out your youth freely but with caution. Meet new people and get to know them. Put your phone aside for a minute and take in the beauty that is the creation of God. Learn a new skill like cooking Nigerian food, or how to write music, learn a foreign language, panda SGR, go to Christian concerts, go on a mission trip abroad. Do something, small or big, to remember this time by. And through it all, share it with your ever present Companion.
11. If you desire to be married, then get ready for it even as you wait.
Pray about it with an open heart knowing that God's timing is the best and that His will is perfect and good. Read about marriage, from scripture, and other books. Try to get an understanding of this thing that you long for so much. Learn from married couples around you and just try to soak in as much useful information as you can get. I hear that marriage is not all procreation and sunshine.
Truly live out this season of your life. Don't waste it, once you get married, that's it, no reset button. Take this time, just you and God, get closer, do great things together.